I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
