I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
