hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
