Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
