The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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