If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
