they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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