now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
