Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
