her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
