Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize