ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
