i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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