Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
