I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
