I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
