hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
