I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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