Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
