chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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