i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
