I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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