Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
