You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
