Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
