I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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