Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
