every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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