Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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