It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
