Your face is a jimmy john
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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