Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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