So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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