my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
