Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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