so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
