i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
