You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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