I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
MIDGETS
????
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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