Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
