you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
