well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
try to milk me bitch
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