Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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