my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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