Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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