i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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