why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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