I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize