I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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