Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
