Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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