He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize