I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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