You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Vodka?
Forever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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