xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
