so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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