Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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