not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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