You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
