It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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