im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
