Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
