i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
