He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
