guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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