Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
