in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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