she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize