I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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