he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
