I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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