Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
