I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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