Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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