Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
