I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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