Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
