if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
