oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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