i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
