I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You ate ashes out of my bong
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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