If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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