I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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