exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
