The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
