Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
