is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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