Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
