I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
