In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
