Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
