I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
