I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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