Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
