I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
