i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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