I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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