I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
