woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
