and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
